Soft Heart

Tonight I made the usual 7:30 run to pick up my daughter from dance class.  As she put her bags in the back seat, I could tell something was wrong.  Mattie was hurt and as soon as the truck door was closed the tears began to fall.  Within a few minutes we started to get to the source of the pain.  Mattie had taken a fall in her point class and then fell victim to the immature teasing of the other middle school girls in her class.  The point of the spear was the laughter of Mattie’s best friend.

With middle school girls, there is nothing too out of the ordinary about falling or teasing or hurt feelings (all fathers know this).  I had two objectives: find a way to make this a teachable moment and, maybe more importantly, make her stop crying (fathers know this too).  As I started to comfort her and offer words of wisdom, my first thoughts of counsel were to steel your self against the world, be strong.  The world is a cruel place and you have to develop tough skin to withstand the onslaught.  You must protect your heart from heartbreak – learn to seal it away from all that would do it harm.  Insults from others do not matter.  I wanted to tell her to make a covenant with herself right then not to ever let your self feel hurt from another’s words.  Praise God I didn’t speak.

Right there in the truck, on the way home, with my girl sobbing in the seat beside me, God reminded me of what makes the human heart so beautiful.  Softness.  The heart has the capacity of feeling and even more beautiful than the ability to feel is the willingness to feel.  To open your heart and allow yourself to be vulnerable is the definition of intimacy.  Hardening your heart may protect you from the ills of the world but it also has the effect of isolating you from all that is good.  Promise yourself that you will never feel again.  Make a pact to keep your heart safe.  Each vow of protection adds another stone in the wall around your heart.  Within a few years, there will be a fortress.  The result will yield a bitter, hard woman or a lonely, isolated man.  These are the agreements Satan wants to hear you declare.  Stay safe, numb, and confined.  What at first sounds like safety is in truth captivity.

It breaks my heart to see my daughter hurting but it is through that pain that she reaches for my hand.  Her vulnerability allows me to connect with her heart.  She is beautiful because her heart beats with feeling.  When we let God be the keeper of our heart, it is free to feel and also free to be intimate with Him.  God will let us suffer so that our heart will remain beautiful.  Full of both hurt and love.

I told Mattie to let the tears fall.  Allow yourself to feel, both for you and for the others around you.  Go to the ones that hurt you and tell them their teasing did matter.  Then forgive them.  Others will see God’s glory through your suffering and strength.  Strength comes not from holding back but from giving away.  Jesus said, ‘Whoever finds his life will loose it, and whoever looses his life for my sake will find it’.

I do not need any additional obstacles to intimacy with my daughter; I’m sure the future will hold enough opposition without having to scale the castle wall.  Until then, I will be keeping my sword sharp!